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I can't tell if I'm dealing with life better now or if I just don't give a shit
Alexa, turn my feelings off
Happy birthday! Instead of gray hair may you grow tinsel
You get a little older...you get a little wiser...what a lousy trade off
On this birthday do what makes you sparkle
Happy Birthday old friend...Oh wait...did I day old?
This aging shit is getting old!
I'm sorry...Did I just roll my eyes out loud?
Sorry...The lifestyle you ordered is currently out of stock
My desire to be well informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
Most of the time it's just the two of us...my sense of humor and me
Sorry...the lifestyle you ordered is currently out of stock
We're all just waiting in line for a ride we don't want to get on.
Come to the Dark Side....we have cookies.
I wish my life had background music so I could tell what the hell is going on.
Pretending to be a normal person day after day is exhausting.